The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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