how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
