Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
