He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
