I accidentally burped into my bong.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
