Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
