Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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