WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
