On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
