wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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