I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
