Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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