I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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