Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
