Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
