I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
