Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
