I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
