On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
