tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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