some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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