he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I supernannyed him into submission
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
