I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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