I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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