I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
