youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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