Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
