he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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