I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
