i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
