its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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