i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
