Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
