i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
