I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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