To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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