Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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