Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
