cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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