just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
