May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
