my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
