i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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