Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
