She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
