Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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