you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
