Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
