R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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