I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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