i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
