their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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