Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
