i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
her vagine was all disorganized.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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