How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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