Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
