I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
