I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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