My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
